Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
This is how you know.
I am staring down at my toes, the sand is warm and slightly coarse creating a tickling and yet calming sensation on the sole of my feet. The waves gently splash, playfully at my heels as though they are teasing me. My earbuds are in for my iPhone and I adjust the volume, the sound loud enough to hear my Steve Miller band "Jet Airliner" but soft enough to still hear the sound of the waves lapping behind me. I go to put the phone in my pocket and my heart dips and skips a beat when I almost lose grip and drop it on the beach--but I catch it and glance around hoping no one saw my utter clumsiness and dreading the almost possible scenario of losing the brand new iPhone I have only just gotten.
It's just then that I notice my toes are dry, the sand around me is compact hard and wet yet, untouched by water? Just as I glance behind me there is a shadow creeping up from my ankles to my waist to my shoulders and I see it--a giant wave approaching quickly from behind and I panic! Like lightning I dash forward, dare I say I flew? It was as though my feet knew no gravity and I took off but alas! The wave knew my route and crashed on me from above sending me forward and under. It lasts merely a second or two. I stand up, drenched and look around again and while there are people playing in the dunes ahead, no one has just borne witness to my experience.
And then I see it.
My iPhone.
Its orange case twinkling in the water, sun reflecting on its screen. My heart sinks, ear buds floating. It's dead.
And then I wake up.
And then I realize--I have a problem.
I just had a nightmare about my iPhone dying.
It's just then that I notice my toes are dry, the sand around me is compact hard and wet yet, untouched by water? Just as I glance behind me there is a shadow creeping up from my ankles to my waist to my shoulders and I see it--a giant wave approaching quickly from behind and I panic! Like lightning I dash forward, dare I say I flew? It was as though my feet knew no gravity and I took off but alas! The wave knew my route and crashed on me from above sending me forward and under. It lasts merely a second or two. I stand up, drenched and look around again and while there are people playing in the dunes ahead, no one has just borne witness to my experience.
And then I see it.
My iPhone.
Its orange case twinkling in the water, sun reflecting on its screen. My heart sinks, ear buds floating. It's dead.
And then I wake up.
And then I realize--I have a problem.
I just had a nightmare about my iPhone dying.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Tumbleweed
It is interesting to me how time tends to gather and bulge, we have an abundance and then all in an instant it seems to be rapidly slipping through our hair strands and the air itself is absorbing it.
I have been in New York now for 9 (almost 10) months. My sense of direction has greatly improved, I do not fear the subway, I do not acknowledge the sexism displayed by side-comments and stares of strange men. I do not fear, though I still am saddened by, the homeless on the streets--the starkness of poverty against the polished tall corporate buildings. I have made a life here after having started literally with nothing. I did it. I made it. As my time in New York is quickly coming to an end, I often catch myself gazing at the streets and observing the people and the level of content I can read on their faces. Some I feel are satisfied and fulfiilled with their life...the vast majority sit stone faced, dull eyed and are the type of people where they wait for things to happen; they do not go out and MAKE things happen. This too, makes me sad.
Some important lessons have been learned here.
As unsteady and scared I am to be an adult in an uncertain world; unsure of where I am going to end up in my life, I know who I am deep within. I have certain morals, beliefs and core principles that I have held true within me and if New York City didn't make me compromise those, then I am confident that no one and no place ever will.
Sadly, my life has already been touched by the fragility of being a human far too many times. And, it shall continue to have moments where that fragility is slapped in my face time and again until it is my own time to face it. With that being said, tp be aware and truly conscious of our human life and the predicament of that condition, is a gift. I do not walk blindly through my life any more. I open my eyes to the possibilities, the tragedy, the comedy and the love within my lifetime.
I make a great attempt to surround myself with people who will help me succeed in my goals, in happiness and who also feel like I can help them with theirs. I believe that is the purpose and importance of having a variety of friends; each one has something unique and valuable to add to the relationship. I feel sad and once again lonely at the prospect of moving (back across the country) to another new place, another new job, and have to find another group of friends. It intimidates me and while yes, I am confident I will be okay--I can't help but think back to those months after moving to New York when I felt terribly alone and depressed. The world was distant from me and no one near me knew me or could provide me with a hug to comfort me...the people who I share my secret with couldn't feel the whisper of my breath on their ear or the tears on their palms. I was just an echo across a wire, a signal...a sound.
I have been in New York now for 9 (almost 10) months. My sense of direction has greatly improved, I do not fear the subway, I do not acknowledge the sexism displayed by side-comments and stares of strange men. I do not fear, though I still am saddened by, the homeless on the streets--the starkness of poverty against the polished tall corporate buildings. I have made a life here after having started literally with nothing. I did it. I made it. As my time in New York is quickly coming to an end, I often catch myself gazing at the streets and observing the people and the level of content I can read on their faces. Some I feel are satisfied and fulfiilled with their life...the vast majority sit stone faced, dull eyed and are the type of people where they wait for things to happen; they do not go out and MAKE things happen. This too, makes me sad.
Some important lessons have been learned here.
As unsteady and scared I am to be an adult in an uncertain world; unsure of where I am going to end up in my life, I know who I am deep within. I have certain morals, beliefs and core principles that I have held true within me and if New York City didn't make me compromise those, then I am confident that no one and no place ever will.
Sadly, my life has already been touched by the fragility of being a human far too many times. And, it shall continue to have moments where that fragility is slapped in my face time and again until it is my own time to face it. With that being said, tp be aware and truly conscious of our human life and the predicament of that condition, is a gift. I do not walk blindly through my life any more. I open my eyes to the possibilities, the tragedy, the comedy and the love within my lifetime.
I make a great attempt to surround myself with people who will help me succeed in my goals, in happiness and who also feel like I can help them with theirs. I believe that is the purpose and importance of having a variety of friends; each one has something unique and valuable to add to the relationship. I feel sad and once again lonely at the prospect of moving (back across the country) to another new place, another new job, and have to find another group of friends. It intimidates me and while yes, I am confident I will be okay--I can't help but think back to those months after moving to New York when I felt terribly alone and depressed. The world was distant from me and no one near me knew me or could provide me with a hug to comfort me...the people who I share my secret with couldn't feel the whisper of my breath on their ear or the tears on their palms. I was just an echo across a wire, a signal...a sound.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
It is a question.
Golden light permeates my eye lids. I thought I had pulled the curtain tight? I want to shut out the light--and sleep. I want to inhale the fresh scent of clean cotton sheets, it is a smell that makes me feel clean, too.
The voluptuous pillows circling my head, my body, with one tucked between my legs to make me feel safe and connected. No, these legs are not entwined with others. No, these arms are not holding another, and no, these are not meeting a pair of just awoken-sleep-filled-eyes.
This is me, on my own, all alone and satisfied.
As I reach for my clock, I pause for just a moment...it's an action (or inaction) I'v become accustomed to lately--stopping and taking in the moment, a simple joyful, purely-mine-moment.
The morning shimmer is still waiting to be let in and I finally release the anticipation and there it is: my world.
The breeze catches me on my right ear lobe, sending a shiver down my spine. I can feel the sturdy stone beneath my body and know it's presence is eternal. I have t wonder what it must be like to be eternal? Your destiny laid out before you--never moving but always changing.
Moments of time whisper in my hair as the scent of home trickles from m mind. The trees ebb as the wind flows through the foggy memories of swing sets and snow caves.
Where is the truth? The reality? Do I betray my senses and defy my own gravity? Words create images, images create memories and the question is: what will I create for my tomorrows yesterday?
The voluptuous pillows circling my head, my body, with one tucked between my legs to make me feel safe and connected. No, these legs are not entwined with others. No, these arms are not holding another, and no, these are not meeting a pair of just awoken-sleep-filled-eyes.
This is me, on my own, all alone and satisfied.
As I reach for my clock, I pause for just a moment...it's an action (or inaction) I'v become accustomed to lately--stopping and taking in the moment, a simple joyful, purely-mine-moment.
The morning shimmer is still waiting to be let in and I finally release the anticipation and there it is: my world.
The breeze catches me on my right ear lobe, sending a shiver down my spine. I can feel the sturdy stone beneath my body and know it's presence is eternal. I have t wonder what it must be like to be eternal? Your destiny laid out before you--never moving but always changing.
Moments of time whisper in my hair as the scent of home trickles from m mind. The trees ebb as the wind flows through the foggy memories of swing sets and snow caves.
Where is the truth? The reality? Do I betray my senses and defy my own gravity? Words create images, images create memories and the question is: what will I create for my tomorrows yesterday?
Web album: Amnesty Int'l Human Rights Art Festival
This is the link for the photos I took this past weekend. Mostly documenting the amazing farm I stayed at but also capturing a bit of the festival activities too.
http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=HSSheldon&target=ALBUM&id=5464998158286808321&authkey=Gv1sRgCPjm9PuQ4dromgE&feat=email
http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=HSSheldon&target=ALBUM&id=5464998158286808321&authkey=Gv1sRgCPjm9PuQ4dromgE&feat=email
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